Wonderings 19 What About Tests & Faith?
This week I am wondering about tests and about faith. I had students who told me that they had to take surprise tests in school. It was stressful for them - and apparently no one did well on them. I love to learn, but I do not love taking tests. There are strategies for studying that including trying to get ahead of what the teacher will teach (read the chapter before the teacher teaches), and at the other side of the study spectrum is cramming - staying awake the night before to try to cram the information into your brain and hope that it comes out correctly on the test.
Then there is the last-hope effort: realize that there is a test (like a surprise test), and pray fiercely that you do well. I may have done that at times in my life. However, now I realize that if I pray for something that I really want G-d to do for me, it feels like an inappropriate waste of a request to have G-d produce a miracle of the magnitude to give me all of the answers, when I put in no effort to study the material.
I had a different kind of test this week. I came to realize that it was something like a test of faith. I had an interfaith meeting and it got derailed by people who only saw one way of talking about or learning about G-d. It made me question how I understood what "faith" means... what it means to me, and what I think it means in Judaism.
This experience will have me thinking about things for a long time, but for now I realized that when I am "practicing" my faith, I spend more time on doing things than on focusing on how much G-d loves me or how much I love G-d. I do Mitzvot: which may include doing kind things for others, or appreciating the new day or the food that I eat. The people I was with seemed to be reading Scriptures in order to learn to love G-d more. I read Scriptures to learn to find holiness/meaning in life and what I do and my attitude about the world.
This week I am wondering: What are your thoughts about faith? Does being Jewish mean concentrating on your love of G-d or G-d's love for you? Does it concentrate on the relationship between you and G-d? Is that the same thing? When do you feel that your faith is tested?
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Responses:
I received some very thoughtful answers to this question:
My thoughts regarding faith: I have always been taught that it is G-d's will and command that we do for others. We are commanded not to drag someone down, but to lift them up. I can still hear my Grandmother telling me, "if you can't do good for someone, at least don't hurt them. Just leave them alone." I believe G-d loves me, he created me, but I don't memorize the Bible as a way of getting into heaven. It is a guide for how to live my life and treat others, whether human or not. When I used to worry about the afterlife, or what happens when we die, my Rabbi in England would be very emphatic about not worrying about the afterlife, our commandment was to worry about the here and now. I think some of this might be the reason I am so nervous and don't like to be around negativity or complainers. Sometimes, I fear the negativity and bad vibes will "rub off" on me and then this will make G-d unhappy. I have noticed there are people who thrive on drama and so forth. I can't stand to be around that, even though I understand they also belong to this world G-d created. Faith is a bit difficult for me, as you can tell, I'm all over the place, but in a nutshell, I'm happy and comfortable with my religion and faith. G-d has not commanded me to go out there and harangue and harrass people to change their ways to get into heaven. It is good to help others and to treat others as you wish to be treated. I just wish, at times, everyone felt this way. [E]
With the exception of my high school years, until the day he died, I never wanted to disappoint my dad. I could not bear to see the look on his face when I let him down. I remember him saying, "You know you should do what's right, not what everyone else is doing."
In my everyday way of life I feel the same way about G-d as I did my father. I can not see a look per se, but I feel it in my heart and mind. Although there are many Commandments I do not practice, what I foremost strive to do is embrace an ethical way of living and treating others.
After my son was born, I was one of the lucky ones that could be a stay at home mom. From then on - to this day, when asked, "What is your occupation?" My answer was/is a professional volunteer. From the day my son entered kindergarten I worked on any parent participation activity the public or religious school needed, from teacher's aid to fundraising.
Once my son graduated high school, I began actively pursuing opportunities to volunteer in the community. I volunteered at a food pantry/clothing distribution ministry at my husband's church. (It was unfortunate that the 2 Jewish congregations in my area of town did no outreach to the poor beyond collecting/donating food at Yom Kippur and pledging a certain amount of money to Interfaith Caring Ministries.)
After having my mom move in with me permanently, I took a 3 year hiatus to take care her. After she passed, I found volunteer opportunities to serve the poor and marginalized, at a church closer to my home. Before the Pandemic, I coordinated projects for many years such as toiletries/underwear collections for hospitalized veterans, school supply drives for children living in poverty, to food drives for Thanksgiving and gifts for children and senior citizens at Christmas time.
I have a need inside me to help others. My faith tells me G-d gave me those opportunities to serve others. For some unknown reason, I never ask myself does G-d love ME. But I show my love for G-d by doing these things.
My Faith was strongly tested once COVID-19 shut down all that made my life feel worthwhile. In isolation there were no doing good works to benefit others. Being with friends and family didn't happen. Watching so much suffering worldwide in the news hurt to my core. But I did not loose faith that no matter how this event plays out, G-d will still be there.
I began by stating... until the day he died, I never wanted to disappoint my dad. And, I feel the same way about G-d as I did my father.
To this day, I make decisions based on what my dad and G-d would expect me to do. [M]
When I hear faith it makes me think about my spiritual side. In any discussion of religion and spirituality I have always described myself as not being an overly religious person, however, I believe my spirituality to be extremely deep. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely proud to be Jewish and I am very proud of the heritage of our people and I am always willing to discuss this with non-Jewish people that are inquisitive. As I have gotten older I suppose my religious side has evolved. Serving as President of the congregation and making it a point to be at Shabbat services every Friday has probably contributed a little to this as well. I really enjoy being in the Chapel on Friday evening. It has become a very relaxing way to end each week and a way to separate Shabbat from the rest of the week and to to take a moment to welcome and celebrate Shabbat.
The spiritual side though is something I have always identified with and I have considered this to almost be completely separate from my religious thinking. I guess I always thought that somebody of any religion could have the exact same spiritual thoughts I have.
As far back as I can remember I have always believed that God was watching out for me and protecting me. This has provided a comfort to me that I cannot imagine what it would be like to not have that. I know many people do not feel this way and it makes me feel somewhat sorry for those people that don't. I'm not sure why I feel sorry for them - I assume they are perfectly happy with the way they think. It's just that my thinking provides me the feeling that even when things aren't as good as I would like, I am confident that better times are just around the corner. My mother passed down to me a saying her father passed to her - The Lord will Provide. I have always thought that and passed that to my sons. Thankfully, in 1 of your sermons several years ago, you passed on to me what has become my favorite saying that I have repeated to countless people and every one of them looks at me when I say it with a look of "WOW." I've told you about it several times. It is - "The path you choose to walk on is the one that God will lead you down." It is so perfect and it is an upgrade to "The Lord will provide" because it highlights the necessity that we need to be an active participant. We need to choose to be the type of person we are and we need to choose right from wrong and we need to be accountable for that. It is so comforting when making difficult decisions to know that God will help lead me down the path I have chosen. I guess that must be why I feel sorry for people that do not have that belief.
When I climb into bed every night my final thoughts are always to thank God for all the blessing he has provided for my family. I then ask him to continue to look after all of our family and friends and to keep us safe and well. I add a few special thanks and prayers for my sons as well. I know that I am far from perfect, but I strive to be a good person and to carry myself in God's image and I feel like that is what defines my spirituality. I also think that by trying to be a good person that is what God would want and expect from me. [J]
This is copied from Rabbi Sacks, TEN PATHS TO GOD, The Way of Faith: Love as Loyalty, Unit 7
It is so awesomely worded I am just cutting and pasting it here for your reading. If I was able to write what was truly in my heart, mind, and soul, plus add such depths of insights of which I have not yet grasped, and do so in such a concise, clear, yet eloquent manner, I’m sure this is exactly what I would have written.
Transcript
Judaism is an unusual, subtle, profoundly humane faith that challenges the conventional wisdom of the ages. Faith is the courage Abraham and Sarah showed when they heard the call of God and left behind all they had known to travel to an unknown destination. Faith led more than a hundred generations of our ancestors to continue that journey, knowing all the risks yet believing that there is no greater privilege than to be part of it. Faith is the voice that says, ‘Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me.’
Faith sustained Jews in the dark days of persecution. It led them never to give up hope that one day they would to return to Israel, to Jerusalem and to freedom. Jews kept faith alive and faith kept the Jewish people alive.
Faith is not certainty. It is the courage to live with uncertainty. It is not knowing all the answers. It is often the strength to live with the questions. It is not a sense of invulnerability. It is the knowledge that we are utterly vulnerable, but that it is precisely in our vulnerability that we reach out to God, and through this learn to reach out to others, able to understand their fears and doubts. We learn to share, and in sharing discover the road to freedom. It is only because we are not gods that we are able to discover God.
God is the personal dimension of existence, the ‘Thou’ beneath the ‘It’, the ‘Ought’ beyond the ‘Is’, the Self that speaks to self in moments of total disclosure. Opening ourselves to the universe we find God reaching out to us. At that moment we make the life-changing discovery that though we seem utterly insignificant, we are utterly significant, a fragment of God’s presence in the world. Eternity preceded us, infinity will come after us, yet we know that this day, this moment, this place, this circumstance, is full of the light of infinite radiance, whose proof is the mere fact that we are here to experience it.
Faith is where God and human beings touch across the abyss of infinity. Emunah means faithfulness, love-as-loyalty. The closest analogue is marriage: a mutual commitment, entered into in love, binding the partners together in fidelity and trust. God chose us; we chose God; and though our relationship has sometimes been tense and troubled, the bond between us is unbreakable.
Knowing, we are known. Feeling, we are felt. Acting, we are acted upon. Living, we are lived. And if we make ourselves transparent to existence, then our lives too radiate that Divine presence which, celebrating life, gives life to those whose lives we touch.
Faith is the space we create for God. [S]